How to Get Out of Your Own Way
Everyone has their share of doubts. Sometimes these doubts reside in our minds. Despite the odds being in our favor for success in an endeavor, we question our ability and worthiness. Those who say they don’t. I doubt that’s true. So, why do we question ourselves? Are we pre-wired with imposter syndrome, or is it a combination of mind-melding emotions and thoughts that seem to pop up and get in our way?
You might be surprised to discover that truly successful people face the same challenges.
The mental roadblocks are different for all of us. Excuses about having too much to do and too little time are a commonly shared obstacle. Another one may be false goals, making someone else’s goals your own. Taking on expectations of others, sometimes parents or partners, that seemed like the proper pursuit at the time.
Maybe you’ve set your sights on something you want for the wrong reasons, before realizing that you’ve adopted a yoke that’s too daunting to continue with. You’ve said yes when you should’ve said ‘no.’ Or what about fear of failure, or even fear of success? What happens if this works? What will I do then? Perhaps just a few of the questions are holding you back from making progress. Regardless of the source of the doubt, over time these reasons—or roadblocks—can grow so large that they’ve completely overtaken brain space and diminished the original dream down to a distant memory.
Yes, it happens to all of us. So, what do you do about it?
As I always do, I turned the mic over to friends, authors, and experts and asked them to share their experiences and advice when progress slows because “they get in their own way.” Here’s what they said:
“I am guilty of ‘drifting’. When I sit down to tackle a deep-work task, I become drawn to other easily ticked-off tasks that make me feel productive but are actually just giving me an excuse to delay the more taxing work. For example, if I have a chapter to draft from scratch or need to start reading a client’s manuscript for feedback, I suddenly convince myself that I need to respond to a new sales prospect email or update my LinkedIn profile. While the latter tasks are important, they are ‘admin’ tasks, which can be tagged onto the end of a day. To save myself from ‘drifting’ temptation, I tell myself that I need to spend two hours at the beginning of my working day on the difficult deep-work task, and then I will reward myself with easier, quick tasks. I chose this window because my brain is freshest then. During this time, I don’t look at emails or texts, which are evil temptresses for drift.” ~ Helen Croydon, author, memoir ghostwriter, book development coach.
“One of the ways I got out of my own way as an author was by believing I had something the world needed to hear, and being brave enough to share it. It wasn’t easy, but I realized the more vulnerable I allowed myself to be, the greater my chances of truly connecting with my audience. I had a lot of fears about being judged for my honesty and vulnerability, so taking that first step was huge for me. But once, I hit “publish,” I felt really good about showing up for myself and for other women like me.” ~ Hady Méndez, author of Calladita No More: My Latina Journey and the Lessons that Shaped Me.
“I was well practiced at ‘getting in my own way.’ And what changed was reminding myself that ‘I am the way.’ There is no path forward without me. Simply dropping the story of being in my own way and seeing myself as the integral main character in every project changed everything.” ~ Dawn Ledet, author and “The Self Trust Coach.”
“As the oldest daughter of Cuban refugees, the first 30 years of my life were dedicated to honoring my family’s sacrifices, and I lost myself in the process. My first pregnancy forced me to ask, “how do I teach self-love and peace to my child, when I have none?”— crushed by the realization, I walked away from my corporate career and vowed to pursue the inspirations of my heart at any cost. My people-pleasing, I discovered, was the mistruth that my worth was conditional on approval and achievement, rather than being innate from birth. As an author, this played out in writer’s block and panic every time I sat down to write, until it dawned on me: my freedom to choose my own dream was the very freedom my family had fought for, to reclaim from communism— I was the gift of their fight. So, if I can share a truth with future writers & dreamers: The inspirations of your heart are the treasures your ancestors fought so hard to protect —you are the answer to their prayers.” ~ Daphny Lauren Bravo, Author & Spiritual Strategist.
“When I arrived at a writing residency with the required first 100 pages of my novel in hand, I discovered that several of the other members of my critique group had come with completed manuscripts. Some were already published authors, even though they were half my age. I immediately developed a bad case of Impostor Syndrome. Surely, they would discover I didn’t belong among them. My cure was to write, write, and write some more. When I wrote, I wasn’t comparing myself to anyone else, just telling the story I knew I had within me.” ~ Barbara Viniar, Educator and author of Little Bird: A Novel.
I have a dear friend who inspired this blog. She’s a fantastic human being with a big heart and many talents, but she continues to hold herself back from pursuing her interests and goals. “I’m always getting in my own way, and I can’t figure out how to get over myself.” When she said this, I laughed. Because it’s the way of the world. Sometimes we figure it out, or take a leap of faith, because the desire to try is so strong.
I hope this article provided you with a few applicable ideas. I would be honored if you shared this on social media. And speaking of sharing, please share your ideas and experiences below. Together, we can build an uplifting community that supports each other’s happiness, well-being, creativity, and success.
How do you get in your own way?
