Victim to Victor: How to Overcome Victim Mentality

Victimhood is crippling. It hurts your chances at happiness and negatively affects those around you. When this mentality persists, it ends relationships and dries up opportunities, resulting in a bitter and lonely existence.

If this seems harsh, buckle up.

That is the approach eminently qualified author Lisa Marie Sanders takes in her book Victim to Victor. As a U.S. Army and Air Force veteran, former police officer, bodybuilder, and coach, Sanders has experienced it all, and she’s seen her share of real and “imagined” victims. Her book is designed to shock the reader out of their state of despondency and propel them onto the road of victory.

Feeling like a victim is something everyone has experienced from time to time.

The target of snide remarks is the injured party in a broken relationship, the disappointed loser after the race ends. It feels as if the whole world is against you. And if one setback follows the other, your theory proves correct—you’re a victim. This version of victimization, the kind addressed in this book, is self-imposed, being stuck in a “psychological and emotional prison.” This victim mentality holds you back from living your life and making positive changes that will bring you joy and success.

Sanders cuts through the chatter and addresses the key elements of victim mentality. Learned helplessness evolves as a coping mechanism to deal with setbacks, hurts, and disappointments. Once adopted into one’s identity, it sticks because the narrative works—nothing can be done to improve one’s situation. Then there’s the constant need for validation, plethora of excuses, self-imposed limitations, blaming others, seeking pity, and feeling cheated by life. These are just a few of the most common characteristics of a victim. However, the author doesn’t define victims simply as those who may have lost out on a promotion. No, some real victims of crimes and other horrific events can choose to seek help and make positive supportive changes, while others choose to leverage their hurts for a lifetime—taking the easy way out.

To be clear, she does not diminish individuals’ circumstances.

Instead, she asks the hard questions and offers a lifeline for change. The “shock and awe” approach and sound strategies are worth the read. We all could benefit from this reminder that a victim mentality serves no one and certainly hurts us in the long run.