Guest Post by Psychologist Lauren Farina-Prieto, LCSW

It is estimated that 80% of New Year’s resolutions fail, and many within the first month. The very nature of resolutions is tricky. A resolution is “a firm decision to do or not to do something.” A firm decision.

In other words, traditional resolutions tend to be arbitrary, rigid, and extreme, which can be problematic for several reasons.

Too Rigid. Traditional resolutions can be limited in their likelihood to inspire action and build motivation because they tend to engender an all-or-nothing approach: either you hit the mark, or you don’t. For example, if you set the goal to exercise five times a week, and instead, you only accomplish four workouts, technically, you fell short of your goal. The workouts you did complete may seem less meaningful, and this perceived failure is likely to demotivate you. The science of motivation is precise: achieving any small goal builds confidence. Confidence fuels motivation; shame fuels unconscious choices. Rigid resolutions tend to promote the latter.

Too Social. Furthermore, many resolutions are extrinsically motivated, rooted in external pressures like social media or pop-culture trends. This is problematic because research has found that goals that are intrinsically motivated or aligned with our values are much more likely to be achieved than extrinsically motivated ones.

Too Stringent. Finally, most resolutions are inflexible in not allowing for random illness, surprise celebration, or a bad day at work. Such rigid goals engender a sense of urgency and, sometimes, overwhelm. In this state of chronic self-induced stress, we are less likely to exhibit self-control, think clearly, be creative, or make sound decisions.  In other words, the stress of rigid expectations often impairs performance. I would argue that you can’t have one without the other when it comes to performance and mental health.

So, what are examples of worthwhile resolutions to make?

Healthy resolutions are intentional, flexible, and values-based. For example, “I resolve to prioritize my health” is a much healthier goal than “I resolve to lose ten pounds.”  “I resolve to expand my social circle” is more adaptive than “I resolve to find a partner.” “I resolve to spend more time on the things that bring me joy” is more accessible than “I resolve to be happier.” You get the picture!

Once you’ve decided on one or more meaningful and inspiring goals, consider the following tricks, tips, and tactics to make your resolutions a reality.

Find Your “Why.” Setting goals that align with your core values is vital because they drive motivation and focus. If you value career success, consider what goals can help to uplevel your performance. If you value connection with your family, what changes can you make to enrich your time with them? Take time to narrow your list to five or fewer values that inspire and invigorate you and set your intentions from there.

Create a Vision. Visualize how you intend to feel in the New Year. This and other scripting practices can help prime the part of the brain known as the salience network, which seeks out information and experiences that feel familiar and safe. When you mentally rehearse achieving resolutions, you’re more likely to seek out those experiences in real life because they feel familiar through practice.

Map Your Path. Now that you’ve established your vision, reverse engineer a roadmap to that vision. For example, if you envision yourself feeling stronger and more energized, you’ll likely need to prioritize movement. Setting the goal to take the stairs instead of the elevator to your office is an example of a related goal. I’ll reiterate that the science of motivation is precise: achieving any small goal builds confidence. Confidence, in turn, fuels motivation.

One Small Step. I coach my clients to align with nature’s rhythms. The dark, cold winter months beckon us to slow our pace and to be intentional about our choices. Just as animals hibernate to conserve energy in the winter, so should we seek to slow our pace, make small changes, and be responsible stewards of our time and energy. Whether this step includes drinking a glass of water upon waking or reading to your kids before bedtime, building such habits, however small, fosters the momentum and confidence needed to achieve bigger, loftier goals. In achieving small goals, we nurture the self-trust and the courage to take on more challenging ones. Any progress, however small or slow-moving, is meaningful.

Always Be Flexible. Rigid goals often trigger a sense of stress and urgency, which, in turn, impairs our likelihood to succeed. Understand that life will throw you curveballs. In other words, instead of resisting or bemoaning the unexpected setback, embrace it as a learning opportunity. It’s important to note that our ability to tolerate failure is a primary predictor of success. Setbacks are inevitable, but what matters most is how you respond to that failure. Remember that shame fuels unconscious choices, so belittling yourself for any perceived shortcoming will likely minimize your chances of achieving your goals in the future. Understand that there are no failures, only learning opportunities.

Practice Daily Gratitude. The truth is that what we focus on expands. That’s not my opinion; that’s neuroscience. The human brain is wired to seek information that confirms what we believe to be true about ourselves and the world. This tendency is also known as confirmation bias. Therefore, if we think of ourselves as lazy or incompetent, we subconsciously seek experiences that confirm that narrative’s true. In other words, our inner voice shapes our reality. By practicing gratitude, we shift our focus to everything that goes right for us, therefore rewiring our brain for positivity and much more. When you practice gratitude daily, your disposition improves, the likelihood of goal attainment increases, and your immune system strengthens.

Enjoy The Journey. Focus on the process of becoming the person you want to be and not on just the outcome or goal. This approach can help align us with the journey to goal achievement, not just the destination. The person we become in our efforts to achieve a goal is often more valuable than the goal itself. What’s more, our attachment to any goal makes us vulnerable to the stress and shame known to impair performance and impede success. While the vision inspires, your growth will dazzle, and your journey will be unforgettable.

Lauren Farina-Prieto, LCSW and founder of Invited Psychotherapy & Coaching, is a psychotherapist, performance coach, and keynote speaker who uses a functional, integrative approach to support her clients’ performance, motivation, and wellbeing. In 2019, Lauren founded Invited Psychotherapy and Coaching, a Chicago-based practice that specializes in helping clients embody their highest potential by managing the stress, anxiety, depression, and self-doubt that often plagues perfectionists, people pleasers, and high performers. Lauren likes to say that she is obsessed with the science of human potential, and that obsession manifests in her speaking, writing, and clinical practic

Image Courtesy of Pexels: Tima Miroshnichenko